By
Bill Fields
Submitted On February 18, 2015
I began a recent training session on Interpersonal Communication, by asking:
"If you learn something in this session that will help you avoid one argument at home are you interested?"
Everyone sat up straighter and leaned forward.
Having captured their attention, I then asked for a show of hands to the following questions.
"How many of you were taught Arithmetic at school?" All their hands went up.
"How many of you were taught Interpersonal Communication at school?" No hands went up.
"Don't you find that peculiar?
"I mean, Interpersonal Communication is the foundation for all human interaction and we weren't taught it. But, we were taught Arithmetic.
"So, I guess they thought that we were being taught Communication at home, which in my case meant yelling. And then I had to unlearn it."
It sounds kind of funny, but it's quite the opposite.
Most of us haven't spent focused time thinking about how we communicate. We tend to assume that our communication styles and habits are natural. The fact, however, is that these have been acquired when we were in our formative stage.
We've been practising these communication habits and styles for so long that they just seem to be second nature. Whether these are effective styles and habits, or not so effective, they have become our personal default positions. From the many training sessions we've conducted, here are the most common bad communication habits.
Because we haven't been taught how to listen, we generally do a mediocre job. By listening, I mean really listening - strictly paying attention to the other person and not allowing our mind to wander off. This laser-like focus takes significantly more energy than our usual superficial listening and is much more difficult to maintain.
Have you ever found yourself in a conversation, and while the other person is still talking, you're already composing your response? This applies to most of us. When we're composing, we've stopped listening. So not only is this disrespectful, we may miss something critical to the conversation.
Even worse, sometimes what we're composing actually slips out. This is interrupting. It really is an attempt to create a short-cut for the conversation, but significantly impairs the conversation, resulting in frustration and, in fact, requires even more time, in order to re-establish the conversation.
If you think about it, we sabotage our communications in many little ways. Sometimes we hear the first part of something and quickly jump to the conclusion. Or having identified one characteristic, we generalize the rest. We may internalize something, thus distancing the personal aspect of the conversation from the speaker. Or it could be that our need to "be right" supersedes the goal of a quality interchange.
The most damaging action for me is when my mouth moves faster than my mind. Most often, this results in a blunder from which it is difficult to recover. The problem is that we're all going too fast. We need to drop to a lower gear and slow down, become more deliberate and measured in our communications. And even though I know this, teach it and personally practise it, I still make mistakes. That original programming is extremely hard to change.
The only way to undo bad Interpersonal Communication habits is to:
Identify your current behaviour
Commit to your preferred behaviour
Practise, practise, practise
Be warned, though, that even with conscious attention, your default position will continue to exert a counter-productive force. It will take a determined effort over many years to change. But incremental improvement can reduce conflict at work and at home.
"If you learn something in this session that will help you avoid one argument at home are you interested?"
Everyone sat up straighter and leaned forward.
Having captured their attention, I then asked for a show of hands to the following questions.
"How many of you were taught Arithmetic at school?" All their hands went up.
"How many of you were taught Interpersonal Communication at school?" No hands went up.
"Don't you find that peculiar?
"I mean, Interpersonal Communication is the foundation for all human interaction and we weren't taught it. But, we were taught Arithmetic.
"So, I guess they thought that we were being taught Communication at home, which in my case meant yelling. And then I had to unlearn it."
It sounds kind of funny, but it's quite the opposite.
Most of us haven't spent focused time thinking about how we communicate. We tend to assume that our communication styles and habits are natural. The fact, however, is that these have been acquired when we were in our formative stage.
We've been practising these communication habits and styles for so long that they just seem to be second nature. Whether these are effective styles and habits, or not so effective, they have become our personal default positions. From the many training sessions we've conducted, here are the most common bad communication habits.
Because we haven't been taught how to listen, we generally do a mediocre job. By listening, I mean really listening - strictly paying attention to the other person and not allowing our mind to wander off. This laser-like focus takes significantly more energy than our usual superficial listening and is much more difficult to maintain.
Have you ever found yourself in a conversation, and while the other person is still talking, you're already composing your response? This applies to most of us. When we're composing, we've stopped listening. So not only is this disrespectful, we may miss something critical to the conversation.
Even worse, sometimes what we're composing actually slips out. This is interrupting. It really is an attempt to create a short-cut for the conversation, but significantly impairs the conversation, resulting in frustration and, in fact, requires even more time, in order to re-establish the conversation.
If you think about it, we sabotage our communications in many little ways. Sometimes we hear the first part of something and quickly jump to the conclusion. Or having identified one characteristic, we generalize the rest. We may internalize something, thus distancing the personal aspect of the conversation from the speaker. Or it could be that our need to "be right" supersedes the goal of a quality interchange.
The most damaging action for me is when my mouth moves faster than my mind. Most often, this results in a blunder from which it is difficult to recover. The problem is that we're all going too fast. We need to drop to a lower gear and slow down, become more deliberate and measured in our communications. And even though I know this, teach it and personally practise it, I still make mistakes. That original programming is extremely hard to change.
The only way to undo bad Interpersonal Communication habits is to:
Identify your current behaviour
Commit to your preferred behaviour
Practise, practise, practise
Be warned, though, that even with conscious attention, your default position will continue to exert a counter-productive force. It will take a determined effort over many years to change. But incremental improvement can reduce conflict at work and at home.
Diamond Management Institute develops high-performance
organizations through strategic alignment, leadership and team
development, business process improvement, and customer satisfaction. We
are passionate about improving performance and effectiveness - for
organizations and for individuals.
Contact Bill Fields, President at 905-820-8308 or
http://diamondmanagementinstitute.com
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/expert/Bill_Fields/936591
Contact Bill Fields, President at 905-820-8308 or
http://diamondmanagementinstitute.com
No comments:
Post a Comment